Patience With The Lamp Lit
by quamquam20
Summary: Jacob tries to change Bella's mind again. Set post-Eclipse. Companion piece to my fic, Ace of Cups. T for strong language.


**Hope is patience with the lamp lit. ~Tertullian**

Music drifted out of the open doors and across the lawn. He figured it would have been really soothing in any other situation. Come to think of it, it wouldn't be out of place in a waiting room.

And wasn't that really where he was? Wasn't that where he'd been?

In the trees, Jacob phased for the first time in weeks. He pushed his long hair out of his eyes, marveling at the way his thumbs curled. The constant flood of smells that had been his language for weeks slowed to a trickle.

He didn't even register the fact that he was naked, but standing felt so strange that he found himself crouching in the shadows. The watery music was punctuated by a high pitched laugh that sounded a bit like a shriek had been combined with a giggle.

_Fucking pixie leech_, he thought, startled by the shape of words in his mind. He didn't realize he was growling.

He really needed to get it together if he was going to do this.

Even though he was human, he could smell perfume wafting out of the massive house, all sharp angles and airy lightness. It didn't belong here.

_He_ didn't belong here. This didn't involve him. She'd made her choice.

Jacob sighed and squeezed his eyes shut.

No. There was still hope. _  
_  
He found the duffel bag of clothes Quil had hidden and unzipped it.

He didn't bother to sneak in. He didn't even bother to knock.

Instead, Jacob ran up to the front door, threw it open, and bounded up the stairs.

He heard the blonde one and the short one stop talking, but Bella kept chattering, oblivious.

Jacob stopped just outside the closed door, bathing in her voice.

God, it was gorgeous.

He had lost count of the nights he'd spent curled up on the cold ground. There had been nothing but her laugh, her eyes, her lips. Her voice.

Always Bells.

He smiled and it felt like finding out that, years later, he remembered all of the words to his favorite song.

Jacob raised his hand to knock, but the blonde vampire opened the door roughly and glared at him.

He didn't know what to do, so he gave an awkward wave and peeked into the room. He couldn't see Bella.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered acidly.

"What do you think?" He almost jumped at the sound of his own voice. Christ, he sounded weird. He could even hear his slight, lyrical accent.

Bella called from the depths of the froth and perfume filled room. "Rosalie?"

"Uh, yeah. I'll be right back," she replied. She stepped out and shut the door behind her. "You smell terrible," she hissed at him. "I mean, worse than usual."

"Well fuck you too." It wasn't like she smelled awesome either.

Rosalie stiffened, but apparently decided that it was an appropriate response. When she spoke again, she was as close to begging as he'd ever seen.

Not taking her amber eyes off of Jacob, Rosalie whispered, "Bella has no idea what she's doing."

_No shit._

"Oh yeah?" he asked casually instead, trying to be diplomatic.

She ignored the residual sarcasm that he just couldn't get rid of and pointed a fierce, graceful finger at herself. "I wouldn't wish this on anyone."

Jacob pressed his lips together and considered Rosalie. It was hard to miss the pain in her sharp eyes, the guilt and rage and sadness. He didn't know her story, and he honestly wasn't too interested, but he got it. He knew what it was like to get more than you bargained for.

Jacob nodded.

Rosalie moved out of the way and gave him an unnecessarily hard pat on the shoulder. It felt oddly like a benediction.

"I can't stand you," she said.

He walked up to the door and paused.

This was it.

This was the moment he had imagined for weeks, the last second before he knocked. He could still go back outside, phase, and disappear again. He could run away from the inevitable tears, shouting, and impossibly cold stares. The wedding guests wouldn't have to return their gifts, nobody would feel like they'd wasted a plane ticket.

Of course, this was all assuming that Bella changed her mind.

_I am obviously insane._

Rosalie had stopped halfway down the hall and was watching him.

He turned around.

Jacob didn't know what she was seeing. Maybe he was the proverbial monkey wrench. Maybe he was the usurper, that sneaky bastard from La Push who didn't know when to quit. That mutt trying to steal Edward's girl, even now.

Or maybe he was life, knocking on Bella's door one last time.

He couldn't help it. He smiled at the vampire.

She bit her lip to steady her trembling chin. If she could, she would be crying.

Not looking out, Bella cracked open the door after his second round of knocking.

"Rosalie, I told you that you don't have to knock before you come in," Bella said from inside the room.

Alice cleared her throat significantly and Jacob could hear fabric rustling.

"What?" Bella sounded exasperated. "Alice, if you try to readjust my left strap again, I'm going to scream."

"Hey, Bells, it's me," he told the door. Everything in the room beyond stopped.

"Jake?"

"Yeah."

The door was yanked open and a disheveled, wide-eyed Bella was standing in front of him, speechless.

"Why?" she asked finally.

Jacob shrugged and looked down at his bare feet. He didn't really match the Cullens' decor.

"Because I..." _Because I love you? Because you're my best friend? Because everything in me is going to fight this until the last possible second?_ She knew all of that. "I... " He glanced at her and faltered.

He couldn't stand the dress. There was no way around that. It was frilly, lacy, and high-necked and he thought she looked a little miserable in it. But she was wearing a wedding dress.

Bella Swan was wearing a wedding dress.

"Bells." It came out as a whisper. It wasn't a question or an explanation. He didn't really know what it was, but at least he hadn't collapsed in an exhausted heap on the floor, which was suddenly all he wanted to do.

He couldn't read her expression.

"If you're here to convince me not to marry Edward, you can just leave." He wished she'd been angry.

Instead, she sounded certain.

Jacob nodded once and imagined her wearing a name tag. _Bella Cullen. _

"I love you, Bella." It sounded simple and small and weak, but it was all he had. "I tried to be anything but in love with you." Tried to be an animal, tried to be alone, tried to be nothing. But he was too in love. "It didn't work and I don't think it ever will."

He reached out and gave her hand a squeeze before he started to walk away.

_Awesome speech, Jake_, he thought bitterly. _Way to fuckin' go._

But she grabbed his arm and he couldn't stop the spark of hope from reigniting before he saw her face.

"Jake, I'm so sorry." She was crying. "I just... can't."

"Yeah, I get it." He didn't try to hide his anger before he twisted it into something else. "Can you just do me a favor and stand right there?" he suggested, sounding a little like he was politely directing a photo shoot. She froze in the doorway, confused enough to stop crying. "Okay, could you maybe smile? Try thinking about something that makes you happy."

She looked at him like he wasn't speaking English. Crap, had he been barking? He almost asked, but eventually, she grinned. Light spilled from the room behind her.

"Perfect." He smiled at her and started backing away. He hoped like hell she couldn't see the tears he was fighting. Because he knew how real goodbyes felt, and this was one.

"_That's_ how I'll remember Bella Swan."

He turned and walked down the stairs.

Jacob had almost made it to the treeline before he roughly dragged the back of his hand across his cheek, smearing the streaks of tears.

She'd seen their future kids when she kissed him, for fuck's sake. He was allowed to cry.

A scream from the house punctuated the stillness of the afternoon. He knew it was the little leech because it was so high pitched, he thought his ears might bleed.

"Just shut the hell up," he mumbled as he ran his fingers though his hair, too miserable to wonder what had made her flip her lid this time. Maybe the flowers were the wrong color or something.

But soon, doors were slamming and people were shouting.

Before he could figure out what was going on, Bella was running across the lawn towards him, stumbling over her dress.

"Jake!"

He didn't know what to do. This was definitely not supposed to be happening.

"Yeah?" he called back.

"I can't!"

He didn't have time to think. "So don't!" A crowd of people were standing near the house, watching. Some had started to run after her, but they'd given up. When a woman in a wedding dress is running like that, it's best to just let her go.

"I thought about..." she started, but had to stop for air. Jacob didn't think she realized that her hair was hanging limply in a tangled knot, still dotted with flowers.

He couldn't move. Bella started running again and her dress was torn and this was all so weird.

"I thought about warm sodas!" she shouted breathlessly, still twenty yards away.

He started to shake his head, confused, but the look on her face was all the explanation he needed.

Bella saw his hesitation and disbelief, tried to be more clear.

"In your garage, when we were working on..."

He didn't hear the rest of it because he was running towards her, concentrating on keeping his shape. There was suddenly too much in him and he wanted to get to her faster.

But in seconds, his arms were around her, spinning them across the soft grass. She was crying into his shoulder and he kissed her hair, breathing her in.

The weight of her in his arms was perfect.

Jacob finally set her down and she stumbled slightly. He caught her again and held her tightly to him. There was no way he was letting go until it was absolutely necessary. She seemed to feel the same way, and her fingers dug into his back.

She turned to look back at the house.

"I'm so embarrassed," she said, wiping her nose. "Everyone's probably in there talking about how horrible I am."

"Hey, forget about them." He didn't add that he was sure he wasn't on their list of favorite people, either. "We'll figure it out later."

Bella looked up at him, running her fingers nervously over her bottom lip.

"What do I do now?" she asked him. Like he had any idea what you're supposed to do after you run away from your own wedding. To a vampire.

"We leave," he responded, managing to sound somewhat certain.

She nodded and waited for his escape plan.

_Oh boy._

"I, um... well, Embry, really. Parked the bikes in the woods," he stammered, aware of how presumptuous the move had been.

Bella glared at him suspiciously. "How did you get them back?"

"Uh... it's complicated. And illegal," he explained as he grabbed her hand. "But that's never stopped us before."

Bella tucked her dress around her legs to keep it out of the wheels while Jacob slid the helmet over her head, his own bike leaning against his thigh.

"Jake, it's been a while since I've been on one of these."

"Yeah, same here," he replied, not adding that he'd been too busy being a wolf and she'd been too busy being a fiancee to ride bikes. "It'll come back to you."

She looked doubtful. "If I can't remember, can I just ride on the back of yours?"

He put his hand over hers on the handlebar, and a distant but recent memory surfaced. It was right there with warm sodas and 'Here's to responsibility twice a week.' 'And recklessness everyday in between.' She smiled at their hands.

"You'll remember, Bells," Jacob said quietly.

And she did.

They were only going 40 in a 35, but Jacob's heart still jumped into his throat when the squad car came up behind them. They were most definitely breaking the law.

He saw Bella look back at him with wide eyes right before the cruiser's lights came on.

Jacob swore stupendously as they pulled off onto the shoulder. Bella tugged off her helmet, almost toppling over, and started to ask him something before her eyes locked onto the cruiser behind him. She froze and the blood drained from her face.

_No fucking way._

Charlie walked up beside Jacob, his shoes crunching on the damp gravel that had been scattered there by cars. Licensed, insured, un-pulled-over cars. Jacob groaned as he unwillingly memorized the sound of impending doom.

"Just where the hell d'you think you're going, Mr. Black?" he said softly but with undeniable authority. Jacob was having a very hard time swallowing.

_Don't shit yourself_, his subconscious warned helpfully.

"I was just. We were..." he tried to start, but had no idea where he was going.

"You put my daughter on a," Charlie, in his wedding clothes, gestured to the bikes, too angry to finish.

"Dad, he didn't do anything." Bella said, propping her bike on its kickstand.

It was becoming clear that the discussion was no longer about the mode of transportation.

"He did _something_," Charlie replied while she tried to smooth the wrinkles out of her once-white dress.

"I changed my mind." Bella's bottom lip was trembling but she did her best to talk around it. "I don't want to marry Edward."

Her father squinted up at the thick, grey clouds. "Well, that's good 'cause you're a mess."

Jacob couldn't choke back a laugh.

"How about you two have a seat in the patrol car while I fill out some paperwork," he suggested, but they all knew there wasn't much of a choice.

They silently climbed into Charlie's car while he took out his cell phone.

"Renee," said Bella quietly after a while as they watched Charlie pacing, gesturing wildly as he spoke on the phone. She was curled up on her side of the back seat, knees pulled up to her chest.

Jacob nodded and she rolled the stiff fabric of her skirt between her fingers.

"That looks scratchy."

_Please let her remember._

"It is."

The corner of her mouth twitched as she said it and by the time Charlie opened the driver's side door, they were laughing so hard they had to wipe away tears.

And by the time Charlie pulled back onto the road, Jacob and Bella were kissing.

Charlie was shaking his head but there was a smile behind his mustache.


End file.
